Yogi-ouch-ees

The 7:15 pm interval aerobics class I normally take has morphed into a Yogilates class. The alternative is sticking with my old class that moved to 6:15 pm, which is peak dinnertime in my house and damn near impossible.

Anyway, this was my second time at Yogilates - before Thanksgiving, classes were shifted around and I gave it a whirl. We did a lot of slow poses that I found mostly funny, since I can't envision myself as a tree without giggling. I think I'm missing a microchip for dignity somewhere in my head. I never feel dignified. In the back of my head there's always a little voice suggesting my pantyhose may be tucked into my underwear, my makeup may have shifted into a Kiss-like mask or I may have misjudged the mirror in the morning, approached the day with childlike innocence believing my outfit was flattering, while in reality I look lumpy, bumpy and frumpy. Sometimes I look at photos of myself and am literally horrified, in particular there was the turquoise maternity top I wore to my shower, which I thought was graceful and flowing, but made me look like the mothership. But, I digress.

Since Thanksgiving I've not actually gone to the aerobics classes, savoring the leftovers - turkey, trimmings and desserts. One aerobics class evening, instead of attending, I went with my husband and daughter to Home Depot and bought a Christmas tree. The other was sheer laziness on my part. I operate under the belief that during The Holiday Season, which, to me, extends from around 11/1 through 1/1 most people spend the time cooking, eating, watching holiday specials on television and drinking with their friends and families. Clearly, I've misjudged this.

These Yogilates women are in incredible shape. Even the big one. They quickly flapped their legs in the air, while deftly doing situps with their front end. There was a lot of flapping, plus holding excruciatingly uncomfortable positions. The coup de grâce, however, was this: laying on the side resting on the hip, with legs elevated and frogging in and out, while crunching with the top half, resting precariously on seemingly one rib.

If I hadn't seen it done, I would have thought it was like airbrushing on magazines.

It saddens me to realize that we are not all in this together. Everyone says we gain weight during The Holidays and I was fine with that. But, clearly there are people out there who are using this time to get ahead of the rest of us, so that by the time New Years rolls around and we are deciding to lose weight, they are already svelte and are working smugly on "toning."


Image from The Onion